Hell night – the first night home with the baby

The next hours seemed so hard. There was just too much to do. It was all too much.

Your father and grandmother went out to get a breastpump so I could feed you. Your father became obsessed with getting a thermometer so he got one with the breastpump.

When I read the breast pump instructions, it said I needed to boil things. It sounded so hard. From soon after we came home, you were trying to eat through my shirt, so I knew you would eat. Its just that you get so sleepy, especially at night. I was scared you wouldn’t eat enough. I barely remember how we got through feeding you that first night. I think your father gave you some formula. You were eating well.

I took the bumper off your crib so I could see you. I had assumed you would not be able to move around the crib. I was wrong. I found you near the edge of the crib and realized and your legs could fit through the bars. I could not stop thinking about it. I started getting very worried.

We knew we had to bathe you. I read the directions a lot. Finally around midnight or 1AM, your father and I gave you a sponge bath. After seeing how listless you had been in the hospital, it was a relief for you to be crying and tossing about during the sponge bath.

Once that was done, there was still a lot more night left, but it was a little easier.

Around 4AM, your father and I both got about an hour’s sleep. I was so scared you would fall through the bars of the crib, but I was so tired and when I tried to put the bumper back on, I couldn’t.

When we woke up, YOU WERE ALIVE! We were overjoyed and relieved! Hell night was over and it was time for real life to begin.

Welcome home with the door slammed in my face

On Tuesday, one of the longer days of my life, we got out of jail and came home to a clean, vaccumed apartment. Your grandmother was anxiously waiting for you to come home. She even had your crib all set up for you. It had just arrived earlier that day. She was so happy to greet you and give you a tour. Your father was deperately trying to get you out of the 100 degree heat as fast as possible. Your father rushed you in, handed you to your grandmother…and the door slammed on me. I’ll live.

Grandma is a true executive

Your grandmother cleaned the apartment in anticipation of your arrival.

Your father tried to help.

He said Grandma is a true executive. “She knows her staff’s limitations.”

Your father is much more capable than he gives himself credit.

Lesson of the night – Sleepy babies just won’t eat

Today was hard.

All night I tried to feed you. You did not want to wake up. I got no sleep. You did not eat. You got VERY sleepy and had less and less energy. The nurses were concerned. It was scary to see you like that. You had been starting to open your eyes and look all around. Now we could barely see you breathe.

The nurse finally gave you some formula and I started to pump breast milk for you. You drank it up and didn’t throw up. We were thrilled. Your father was ecstatic. He gets very worried about you.

After being awake all night, I felt horrible this morning. The pain medication had worn off and all of my muscles ached. This was the first time my muscles and joints had hurt. I was very confused this morning after taking the pain medication, but I could walk again. Anyone who came in my room or called just confused me.

The big family walk – a lap around the maternity ward

Last night we were able to be together as a family. I had to keep waking up to feed you, but it was easy to sleep in between. You were either here with us or next door in the nursery and your father was lying next to me. My mind was at ease with both of you here. The sleep continued into the morning. You and I both slept for a long time.

My mother – your grandmother came from Florida to meet you. She was thrilled to finally meet you and she went to get you a bed. Because you came so early, we hadn’t gotten that far yet.

I was able to take a shower today. I feel much cleaner. I put on my new nightgown my mother bought me and my new Steve Madden flip flops Elyse bought me. Then your father and I rolled you around the hallway. Well…he rolled you. I was holding onto the railing. It was our first walk as a family.

I can’t believe it was only two days ago when you were born. During the surgery to take you out, I remember at one point seeing these two skin colored things that the doctors or nurses were moving and realizing that they were my legs. I couldn’t feel them at all. Now I can use them again and the three of us are hanging out.

You finally started opening your eyes and looking around. Your father thinks you were bored just listening and wanted to join the party. You are so much more gorgeous with your eyes open trying to see the blury world.

It is very strange without you were right now. I miss you immesnsely.

The pooping alarm clock

You pooped a lot and the nurse showed your father how to change a diaper. It was funny. He is very proud of his new skill.

Your father is learning how to hold you. He is not scared like he was at first. He is also very talented and can sleep very soundly when you are screaming. I think he believes you are the alarm clock.

Hiccups are not an abnormality – who knew

When you were born, you were 5 lbs. 4 oz. Now you’re a little smaller. I just hope you don’t get too small to come home with me.

Yesterday you started breast feeding and you did very well until I started taking pain killers. Most of the day I was ok, but by the evening, I couldn’t stand up to walk and I finally took the drugs. After that you turned into a sleepy head. The nurses say the drugs have nothing to do with it, but I’m not so sure.

You breast fed a little in the night but it would take a LONG time.

Today you went for so many hours without eating I was scared. I kept getting into trouble with the nurse. Tonight after a long time you woke up enough to eat. I was so relieved.

Then you kept getting hiccups and I got really scared. Aparently this is normal. It is also funny.

Like an iguana in a small aquarium, you had no more room to grow

At 8:05PM last night, you first saw light. Your father was there and he was glowing. You peed with no shame and your father snapped away with a disposable camera. You were blue. They brought you over to me and you were full of slime, but you were beautiful. You did very well on your test. Your APGAR score was 9.9 out of 10.

We found out why you were small. I have a heart shaped uterus instead of a round one. Like an iguana in a small aquarium, you had no more room to grow.

Because you were early, your sugar was low and you were cold. They took you away for a long time.

Elyse and Aunt Dolores were here waiting to meet you. They saw you being brought into the nursery. They both said you were gorgeous.

Finally when Elyse was about to leave around midnight, they brought you in to me. It had been a long wait. Your father looked scared when he was holding you. Then they took you away again. It was sad!

Your father tried to hide out in the waiting room, but he was very tired and finally went home.

I was very tired, but could not sleep without my family. My love for both of you had multiplied so much, it was very hard to be away from both of you. All I had was Star.

Letter to Little Sweetie by Daddy

Dear Little Sweetie:

Daddy is not a good writer like your mother. His only talent is that he loves you and your mother very much.

Love,
Daddy

Letter to my almost here son – the end – before the beginning

Your father really wanted to drive you to be born. He took a bunch of driving classes. He’s had his driver’s license for a long time, but he wanted to make sure we all got to the hospital in perfect condition. It shows how much he loves both of us. It is the sweetest thing ever.

Today your father drove us to the doctor and the hospital. He loves us both very much. We all got here fine. I was very scared about you coming so early that I didn’t even pay attention to how your father was driving.

We can’t wait to meet you, we just weren’t expecting you so soon. I have to make a list. We do not have anywhere for you to sleep. Your grandmother is coming in 2 days to meet you and buy you a crib and some other things we did not get you yet. The doctors say that you’re too small and need to eat on the outside and then you’ll grow more. We love you very much and are anxiously waiting for you to come out ok and eat. See you soon.

Love,
Mommy